Growing up in the 1980s in communist East Berlin our filmography came from decades past. Joy came from actors such as Terence Hill & Bud Spencer and Louis de Funès who my sisters and I affectionately called Big Nose. Inger Nilsson’s Pippi Langstrumpf showed us spunk, strength, and common sense. But then there was the James Bond series of Sean Connery fame. He was charismatic and without fail women would fall to him even when they were supposed to be enemies. Women are fickle. No doesn’t really mean no. Then there was Sophia Loren who I fell in love with in a film in which she participated in a dish-washing competition the goal of which was to break the least. She was sassy, elegant, and independent. But, there was that other film whose only scene I remember is one in which she is raped by soldiers during wartime. During war women should expect to be raped.
In the early 1990s I was living in Ghana watching contemporary locally made TV dramas in which a young girl would invariably find herself alone in a room having been sent there by a man who is to be respected (the man of the house, a teacher, a priest, etc) only for him to corner her and overpower her while she either begs for mercy or quietly accepts her fate. The next scene of course would be about her shameful pregnancy. If you find yourself alone with a man you have only yourself to blame when he rapes you. But don’t forget, respect your elders. That in real life, when girls got pregnant it spelt the end of their schooling whilst the boys carried on with theirs only sought to reinforce this message that there never is any culpability on the part of the man.
Throughout, as a Roman Catholic I was learning that all these injustices women suffer we could owe to Eve through whom God punishes all of us with painful birth experiences and domination by men.
And then I grew up. I grew up and realized that we women are not to blame for the sexual misconducts, assaults, and rapes perpetuated by men. Yet in 2018, in the wake of #metoo, some of us are still ashamed of our victim-hood. But one thing is clear. We are tired. Personally, when I marched on January 21, 2017 along with millions of other women around the world, it was a public declaration of my disgust with the sexist, misogynistic, patriarchy that has given us the abomination of a pussy-grabber for President. Some would like to forget and downplay this mass outpouring of female emotion and activism but there is no denying that we are fed up. Cue the surge of women filling all kinds of elected positions. Enough is enough. We are prepared to dig in. Time’s up! For some, that means unsettling our lives like Dr. Blasey Ford just has.
all the men I did get to know, every single man of them, has filled me with but one desire: to lift my hand and bring it smashing down on his face
Nawal el saadawi, woman at point zero
But I will admit. This week has been difficult. It has been very telling the responses to Dr. Blasey Ford’s allegations against Judge Kavanaugh that don’t question their veracity but come up with a curious defense of the judge that goes like this:
- If somebody can be brought down by accusations like this, then you, me, every man certainly should be worried. White House Lawyer
- And I want to say this with a lot of sensitivity because these are sensitive issues. But high school behavior – how much in society should any of us be held liable today when we lived a good life, an upstanding life by all accounts, and then something that maybe is an arguable issue took place in high school? Should that deny us chances later in life? Even for Supreme Court job, a presidency of the United States, or you name it. How accountable are we for high school actions, when this is clearly a disputable high school action? Ari Fleischer
Mind blown!
All these statements show a willingness to treat the possibility of an attempted rape of a 15 year old girl as inconsequential. I shouldn’t be surprised. When Brock Turner, the Stanford rapist, got off with a light sentence in 2016, we were told he had a promising life ahead of him and that a long jail sentence would thus have a severe impact. But I am surprised. Now, we are to believe that a possible sexual assault more than 30 years in the past has no bearing on today. This is a very difficult stance to process. That boys will be boys and girls just have to deal with any and all of their aberrant behaviours from the past, in the present, and likely in the future. This is not right. That by default men are entitled to the forgiveness of women in particular and society in general because they have no culpability, it’s just their biology. That is not right.
I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.
Angela davis
The hypocrisy is glaring. Just a couple weeks ago the attorney general of Pennsylvania released a bombshell report documenting child rape and sexual molestation allegations against priests in Pennsylvania’s Catholic dioceses over the span of SIXTY years. Who questioned the memories of these people, predominantly men, who were abused as children? Who is questioning if the priests involved should allow their good records be sullied?
Meanwhile Pope Francis is being taken to task in response to retired Archbishop Vigano’s allegations that accuse him of covering up the sexual abuse committed by the former Archbishop of Washington, ex-Cardinal McCarrick, who in response to an allegation from an anonymous man, in which he is accused of sexual abuse about fifty years ago, which he denies, was forced to step down. In all these weeks, who tried to out the anonymous man? Who accused him of lying? Who voiced anger at his destroying the life and image of a respected cardinal? Who asked why he took so long to report the abuse? Who questioned his memory?
I was a preteen living in Ghana when Anita Hill gave her testimony during Judge Thomas’ confirmation hearing. I didn’t know much about US politics let alone the Supreme Court. But it was on TV non-stop. What I saw, what I heard was here is a respectable judge, a man with integrity who is being maligned by a woman who clearly is nutty and slutty. It never dawned on me then that Anita Hill could have been truthful in her accusation nor that it even mattered. Male bosses and colleagues can pat you on the behind, squeeze your breasts, kiss you on the lips, discuss porn or their sexual prowess with you whether you want to or not. But to my defense I was a child. Today, I can re-watch the proceedings and see as clear as day that she is the embodiment of courage as she details behaviours that are Sexual Harassment 101.
Today I am thankful to Anita Hill for her courage. I am thankful to Professor Blasey Ford for her personal sacrifice. I have watched how the confirmation hearings of Judge Kavanaugh have raised concerns about his character and his honesty even before Dr. Blasey Ford was forced to out herself. I don’t know if she is telling the truth but from living my life as a woman and hearing the stories of other women I know her story is plausible. I don’t know if 35 years ago when he was a a 17 year old boy, Judge Kavanaugh and an accomplice held a 15 year old girl down, groped her, covered her mouth when she tried to scream, but I do think that if this happened it should matter. It should matter for any man who is in a position to work with women. It should matter for a man who is being interviewed for the job of holding the highest judicial seat in the country for a life-time, a job in which there is incredible power over women’s rights and female agency.
It matters, full stop.
A lover of mangoes. A woman - smart, without pretense, lefthanded, Afropolitan - navigating this thing called life. An unapologetic believer in social justice and karma. Choosing to radiate positive energy and be true to myself. Here, my musings.
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